As I look back on the season that was Fall 2009 of Rec league Men’s Softball at Treaty Park, I try to envision what went wrong.  I don’t actually know but I do know there were a lot of revelations this season. Despite some heated discussion on the matter, we learned time travel is impossible. This topic developed when George Rice tried to explain that time travel is like bath water running down the drain. “So the bath water is running down the drain right? And it’s going faster than me trying to stop it. Hence time travel.” I replied with “That’s stupid and anyone who believes in the such is stupid.” At this point we were yelling from his outfield position to my infield position during the middle of the game which resulted in several of our own players yelling “Would you guys shut up about time travel?” I quieted down, because I do not believe in time travel, but George thinking he was coming back from a future where he already won the argument on time travel yelled one last time.  “See I was right!”  We also learned this year that we need to learn how to hit. Can you even learn to learn something? We were a team in the Spring Cycle of softball that scored 33 runs in a game and we average 16.8 runs a game. This year we averaged 5.6 runs a game and in our peak performance we scored 17 runs. Ouch.  I don’t remember scoring a .6 of a run but who am I to complain.  I hope we decide to do something about the lack of hitting. I think we should have a team barbeque and dissect everyone’s swing sometime in the offseason. Say Jan 18, 2010 anyone? I’ll pencil it in for 2pm. As Graham shouted at me again over the phone, “They hit it where we weren’t and we hit it where they were! We need to learn to hit it where the other team isn’t.” Why is everyone shouting? He shouted this as confidently as if he had just solved the Da vinci code, which by the way was not that hard to figure out. 

            There were a few positives for the season.  The new guys are not half bad as the poll which no one took states.  I’m just glad they were actually half decent guys, it would have helped if they were as good as Frank Thomas, but we’ll work on that. Um, other positive things about the season.  Not much, I got a new jersey with the most perfect number ever created, but it did not help my batting, or my fielding. 

            So, about our last game. We were battling the other worst team in the league. We were confident we could beat them and remain out of the cellar.  However, our confidence evaporated once the game started. Jerry Montague had the scowl  which should be patented and it was like he could see into the future and he knew we were going to lose. That away to be negative “Jaaawwwrrry” (that is what his cheering stand calls him).  I never thought we would be 10 run ruled after the 4th inning against the second worst team in the league. We haven’t even played 7 innings in oh I don’t know 10 weeks.  I know what you’re thinking, “we’ve only played 9 weeks how is that possible?” I don’t know kid I don’t know.  I don’t even want to discuss the game because it was just bad. They had a ginger chimpanzee playing right field and he played better than our entire team did. 

Things I learned this year:  We suck. See you guys next year. I hope you learn to play.  Oh last revelation. The anonymous writer for this column is…. Think about it, who have I never made fun of, or even talked about? yes that’s right I’m Kevin Tiller. Bye guys.